22nd December 2024

Managing Conversations to Avoid Conflicts

by | Jan 14, 2022 | @HH Bright Zone

Reading Time: 5 minutes

The biggest COMMUNICATION PROBLEM is that we do not listen to understand. we listen only to reply!Do you frequently find yourself in certain situations, where during a conversation suddenly you feel that even though you haven’t said anything wrong to the other person, you get a strange response? Do you get the feeling that even though you haven’t said anything out of the ordinary, the other person feels offended?

Friends, today let us learn about a very effective and interesting theory in Psychology, from which we can learn how to manage conversations so that we can have a favorable outcome. This is a really popular theory which all of us can adapt so that most our conversations can be managed effectively and we get a 60% success ratio in managing our conversations By using this very popular theory we can avoid most of the tussles, and arguments .that we have during our conversations. Mostly there is not much substance in our conversations, but our responses may cause disagreements which can lead to conflicts. If we can understand this theory we can hold the key to maneuver the conversation to its desired outcome, it helps us to manage our conversations so that they do not run into trouble this theory is known as Transactional Analysis or TA.

What is Transactional Analysis?
TA is one of the important theories which is taught in Management of Business Studies. However, in most MBA course studies TA is taught in a very bookish way. It is taught with Do’s and Don’ts of the theory along with other business-related theories so that it might equip the student’s skills on how to manage business organizations. Along with being theoretical TA is a movement the chapters of which can be used globally in developing conversation skills, giving us better outcomes in our daily conversation, and in developing better relationships.
The relationships that we have with the people around us depend on our conversations with them, the words we use in these conversations, the tone of our voice, and also our intention in talking to them. Friends, let us try to understand Transactional Analysis by taking an example of a conversation between two people. Through the means of this conversation, we can understand the three important parts of TA, the three steps that are known as the three statements. Let us assume a situation wherein a person is waiting to board a train at the station. He has been waiting for a couple of hours, yet there is no information yet about its’ arrival. There is another passenger at the station and let us suppose he is asked a question by the person waiting for his train as to why the train is late in arriving. Let us here understand that whenever we give a statement, there are generally three ways in which the other person may respond. The passenger may respond by saying that he does not know why the train is late, which is the first response. He might respond by saying that he too is waiting for the train and that after enquiring has come to know that due to an accident at the previous station the train has been delayed. The third response could be one where the passenger gets offended and answers rudely by saying that even he is waiting for the train to arrive and that the person should go himself and enquire about it.

Three steps or Statements in a conversation – 
Here the first response is called the Child response, not because the response is given by a child, but because these kinds of responses display ignorance, helplessness, fear, or submissiveness.
The second type of response is called the Adult response because it displays a rational and analytical response.
However, the third response is conflict-oriented, egoistic, dominating, authoritative, and has a feeling of superiority. This is known as a Parent Response.
Here to take the conversation further if it starts with an adult statement where the person enquires to the passenger about the arrival of the train. If the response given by the passenger is in child mode, the conversation usually ends without any conflict. Even if the response is given in a second way, the adult response, the conversation can continue further and not be conflict-ridden. However, if the response is in the Parent response and the other person also carries the conversation forward in the Parent response way then definitely the conversation will be continued and it will lead to a quarrel or a conflict. So the best way to respond to a Parent’s response will be for the Child to respond and retreat from the situation submissively to avoid conflict or quarrel. If a child’s response cannot be given in a particular situation the only other way to avoid conflict will be to give an Adult response so that at least the conversation might not change into a quarrel.

HOW TO BECOME A BETTER CONVERSATIONALIST ? 
Friends, let us try using the three statements of TA to better our daily conversations. There are a lot of write-ups about TA, which if we go through will help us in the conversations we have with our family and at our workspaces. It is not as if we will become experts after reading this article. We should try to analyze the responses in our daily conversations. ‘I am O.K, You are O.K ‘ by Thomas Harris is considered to be a Bible on this topic. We can read a summary of this book for a better understanding of how to manage conversations. By reading this we can analyze Adult responses so that we can use them effectively. Almost 80% of our daily conflict-ridden conversations can be avoided by using this theory. In the Business world, TA is extremely useful as in marketing the salesmen use the Adult response to market their products, but whenever needed they go to Child response not in Parent Response to avoid conflicts. If we are giving a Parent Response always in our usual conversations with people we will get into conflicts and not be understood by people. Conversations that we carry on should be in Adult -Adult Response or Adult Child Response. If they are in Parent-Parent Response they will leave behind a lot of bitterness

Harmonious, lively, and Engaging Conversation –
Let us summarize by understanding the three responses.

  • Child response is submissive, ignorant, and fearful.
  • Adult Response is analytical, rational, curious, and practical.
  • Parent Response is egoistical, authoritative, conflict-oriented, and has a feeling of superiority.

Let us analyze our responses so that we can manage our conversations harmoniously and converse in a lively and engaging manner. Human Beings have accumulated a whole lot of knowledge and have an array of technological tools at their fingertips, but they lack basic communication skills. Let us all learn the art of conversing well for leading a life of harmony and understanding.

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