Greetings to you all for the New Year. Wishing you all a very Happy New Year. Last week we all celebrated Christmas and New Year. This is the time of the year when we exchange gifts and celebrate the festivities with our families. This time of the year is traditionally associated with shopping for gifts for friends as well as for the family.

We generally shop for long-cherished items like jewelry and things for our home as well as our workspaces. There is nothing wrong with this practice of shopping for new things.

Here I am reminded of the story of a family with who we are familiarized. In this family, the Grandfather used to carry out many daily chores by visiting the shops in the neighborhood. Grandfather‘s everyday routine included going to one shop for buying milk, then to the vegetable market where he would buy some vegetables from one shop and some other vegetables from some other shops after bargaining over the prices. He would later visit the temple and spend almost half an hour there performing puja and interacting with the priest and the other people present there. On some day’s Grandfather would visit the barbershop where he would spend an hour or so getting his haircut done as well as talking to the other customers. On specific days he would visit the jeweler for some purchasing, where he would spend some time talking to the jeweler, enquiring about the rate of Gold or how to check the purity of Gold and how the jeweler weighs Gold. His Grandson who was about 18 years who used to observe his grandfather’s daily routine. He felt his grandfather unnecessarily spent his time and energy visiting various shops to make purchases. He advised his grandfather that times have changed and that he should learn how to use the phone to make purchases. He advised his Grandfather to order everything online so that everything would be delivered at home. Still, the Old man didn’t change his ways. However, the grandson felt offended that even after giving his grandfather the advice of ordering things online his grandfather still followed his old routine of visiting shops to make purchases. One day they received a call from a hospital informing them to reach there immediately when they reach there they see a crowd of people waiting for them there. They come to know that grandmother had met with an accident, He was brought there by them and given timely treatment. The grandson is surprised to see so many people there and asks his grandfather as to who they were. His Grandfather explained to him that, these were the same people whom he visited every day for making purchases. Grandfather elaborated further that when we shop for things we just do not buy things but we also get acquainted with those people. We develop relations with them. The jeweler or the barber whom he visited for many years knew who grandmother was and so when she met with an accident they quickly came to her help.

By narrating the story it might seem that I am totally against online shopping. However, it is not but shopping can be done but human relationships cannot be built. Certain things which are not readily available in our vicinity should be purchased online. Items that are very expensive in the local market can be purchased online. If we do not make purchases from small traders how will they survive in the market? Secondly, if we purchased everything online we will move further away from making human contacts and will be engrossed in the virtual world. We should not be bothered only about our convenience. If we do not make human contact through these purchases we will not be able to understand human emotions. We should understand that how will we be connected to society if we are connected to these small traders we can understand what their feelings and emotions are our purposes should not only be to save time through online shopping but we should also be connected to society. This will benefit us in two ways, not only will it remove the loneliness but will also bring harmony in the community and it is well known that a society that does not have harmony is a dead society.

People are deeply connected to their society as it has harmony. We will not find loneliness in our society. Slowly more and more people are adopting western patterns of technological gadgets and internet and computing tools. These may help in saving our time and effort but these are not without some adverse psychological impacts.

We should understand where to use these tools and where to avoid their use. If we use them irrationally without proper thought then definitely it will create an adverse effect on our lives. Suppose we do not wait in a queue to pay our bills, we do not have that practice of waiting patiently for our turn, May children of this generation have never waited in a queue. When you wait in a Queue you learn a lot of things like behaving courteously way with the other people in the queue, waiting for others to complete their turn. These things can be learned only when we go to the field and work. Sitting at home and at the press of a button your work may get done but the values associated with them will never be learned. The trend of Computers for everything should be followed selectively. We should be able to decide where to use computers and where to use human Interaction.

It has to be a constant thinking practice for us to decide on a day-to-day basis and according to the situation as to when to remain in the real world and when to remain in the virtual world. this is a decision that we have to take for ourselves. If we do this we will be able to take our life in a better direction, otherwise, these psychological and neurotic disorders are bound to increase. We will have a lot of things in our life but we will not have happiness, brotherhood, compassion, contentment, and love. So let us all lead a balanced life and bring happiness, brotherhood, contentment, and love back into our lives.

‘THE ROOT OF ALL SUFFERING IS DESIRE ‘ – Gautam Buddha

2500 years have passed since this saying of Gautam Buddha, but neither sorrow nor desires end.  We need a strong desire to end all our desires. The truth is that, some  desire will always exist. If we had this strong determination to control our desires then we could easily put an end to all sorrows in our life. The question is that do we have the mental strength or motivation to end the constant desires of our life. The sorrows and problems that are around us, are such that 90 percent of them are not acting on us directly, but we are so weak and susceptible that we allow situations around us and the perceptions of people to influence us, even when there is no reason or justification. Sometimes when people around us say something about  a certain topic, it might not concern our life or work directly but we believe that whatever the person is saying is right and it related to us. Our life starts to change according to what other people say. In order to avoid this situation we have to develop a Belief system in ourself. In order to remain happy we have to develop our self esteem. We have to give importance to ourself. This does not mean that we have to be obstinate and maintain that whatever we are saying is correct. We have to think practically and rationally and let our actions follow suit.

Tricks for Tackling Problems

Acceptance

If we learn to easily accept small things in our life, over which we have no control, we would be in a happier state of mind. In India, there is a tough competition for admissions to IIT’s which have only 10,000 seats compared to 1 million aspirants who appear every year. Candidates who are unable to get admissions in the these reputed institutions are disheartened, even though there are others options, like NIT’s and Private Engineering colleges. If these candidates accept the fact that they have missed out on the opportunity just because of the less amount of effort and talent, they could have been much happier and their lives would have been much better. In Physics, Newton’s law of motion states that ‘ Action and reaction are equivalent in proportion.’ Similarly the work and the efforts we put in our life gives us results accordingly. This applies to majorly all aspects of life.

Avoid Constant Comparing and Criticizing Others

One of the major causes of sorrow, is not what we have in our life but what others have. A perfect example is of a person who is driving a car since 4-5 years, but all of a sudden he feels that his car has become old when his colleague buys a new car. Similarly, if  you buy an uncommon dress and you wear it and go to a party, where you see someone wearing the same dress you lose all your enthusiasm. This constant desire to be unique or uncommon is also a cause of sorrow in life. One needs to understand  that you cannot be a part of competition all your life. Competition is not a destination or an end, it is a way or means . Whichever competition, we are a part of has to end one day, it cannot go on forever. If we have no target or competition, life becomes dull and monotonous. We have made it a habit of staying in competition with others. If we are behind others we are sorrowful, if we are ahead of others our entire energy is spent in ridiculing them.

Genuine Causes of Sorrow in our Life

Losing our near and dear ones causes grief , permanent physical disability causes grief , extreme poverty causes grief and people who are extremely busy at work all day long  are sorrowful. The decline of  Moghul Empire was because emperor Aurangzeb failed to delegate responsibility which caused problems. In order to reduce stress in our life, we should pay someone to do our unproductive work, so that our happiness quotient increases.

The gist of the topic is that if we analyze the situation we will find that most of the sorrows are not sorrows at all. They are the result of our perception, our interpretation of the situation. Most of the sorrows are very trivial. We are habituated to having grief in our life. Its not a question whether there is sorrow or not in our life, the question is that how we handle that sorrow, so that our mental and emotional strength increases and the grief and sorrow is resolved. We should adopt an easy ,comfortable, spontaneous and natural way of thinking and living in life.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are” –  Carl Jung

Reflection and Review

After the age of 45 years many people feel that they have a nagging hole in their lives. The decade between the age of 40 to 50 years is a period of transition This is the time in our life when we feel the need of a psychologist. Many persons feel that there is something missing in their lives, something that stops them from being happy. This decade is a period of review and reflection on the life that has passed. Some people become irritable  or depressed, some may take up a new job, some may receive promotions while others may leave their existing jobs for some new opportunity. It is also a decade of change in relationships of that person. Some relationships may break or there may be also start of new relationships, some may also get divorced. If the person is happy and has met his expectations then there is a feeling of satisfaction. On the other hand if the does not fulfill the expectations then there is a feeling of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. When we are young we are under many different type of pressures, we have to meet the expectations of our family, society as well as other economical class pressures. Also when we are young we are deficient in  skills, talent  and ,we have less financial resources at our disposal. Just like the teenage years is a time of crisis where the teenager undergoes mental, physical, emotional, intellectual and social changes, similarly mid-age crisis  is also a phase of emotional, financial, social and hormonal changes both in men and women. In women it is marked by menopause and is reflected in the physical change in their body. It’s direct impact is on the emotional and social relation of women. In Men, many may feel that they have no meaning in life. Their life becomes mechanical.

How to consciously create a Meaning in Life.

If we look at the universal opinion and ask our self the philosophical questions  that, How did we come to life? Where will we go after death? we really will not find many answers to these questions.

Religion surely gives us an idea of connecting us with the power of why we have come on the earth, but religion cannot help us in dealing  with the day to day experiences in life. In India ,where many people are connected spiritually to many religions still people could not easily find meaning in life.

Today young people come to Psychologists with the problem that they have no desires ,goals or aim in their life. This poses a big question mark in front of our psychologists on how to help the young generation with creating a meaningful life. Each individual has to make a highly subjective and a personal effort  from time to time to create meaning in life. This effort should be made every three to four months. This can be divided into broadly three categories. For some people it can be about buying a new car, the latest mobile phone or a new house. For others it might be to get the promotion that they were working for and for some others it might be about their children. How to give their children a good education so that they settle abroad. These are however not very high in Qualitative output. Highly educated and intellectual people do not find meaning in such material things but in people. They connect emotionally, artistically, erotically and culturally with people. If you are connected emotionally to someone then you spend all your energies on your interpersonal relationship. People who connect spiritually have their energies attuned to the power that they pray to. While a very less percentage of people like Scientists  philosophers ,writers and Artists are totally immersed in their work and find meaning in it.

Domains on creating Meaning in Life

Object oriented

People oriented

Idea oriented

Object oriented domain includes money and power or position in life. People oriented domain includes our relations with the people in our life. Idea oriented domain includes ideas and projects. In order to find your meaning to life you have to find your dominant domain. Some People are people oriented and some are both people and idea oriented . Once we find our dominant domain we can direct our energies towards it and create meaning in our lives.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the
end”-John Lennon

Such a simple quote from such an inspiring man. It may certainly seem overwhelming as you go back to your workplace after working from home. This quote reminds us that things will work out just fine.

At a time when Covid -19 has gripped our world, forcing us frantically to search for the best ways to survive and thrive, let us see what lifestyle changes we can adopt to recover faster post-Covid.

Dietary regime -The three major reasons for post COVID fatigue-lack of nutrition and the viral load and the stress on the body. To combat this eating energy dense foods is important, as carbohydrates are the fuel for your body thus, make sure to include foods like sweet potato, whole grains lentils and other good fats in your daily diet. Carbs are not your enemy, just make sure to choose complex carbs over simple carbs. Similarly as proteins are the building blocks of our body, make sure to include 1.5 gms. of protein, per kg of your body weight for good recovery. Ready- to -drink protein shakes are a great way to fulfil the daily protein requirement.Omega-3 helps in reducing inflammation in your body.Omega-3 supplements should be taken for 2 months after recovering from Covid.
Gut Health-Taking care of your gut is very important because if the infection enters your gut, it changes its microbiome which is why most people face issues of indigestion and diarrhoea during the infection including probiotics and prebiotics in your diet can improve gut health.
Hydrate- Hydrating the body so that proper distribution of nutrients takes place and removal of toxins through urine and sweat takes place.

Including Vitamin –D the sunshine vitamin in your diet will help to maintain bone health, immunity weight loss, hair fall and to keep hormones on track

By being active and starting some exercise you can become stronger and fitter. Regular activity will help to minimise pain and stiffness in joints and will help you to regain muscle strength. Set yourself small goals that you can do in the day aim for a daily walk. Aim to build up to 30min of activity 5 days a week.

Meditation may decrease stress, it develops mental discipline to avoid bad habits it helps with increasing attention span it improves memory and mental clarity.

Breathing Techniques – Regular practice of breathing exercises increases oxygen supply to the body, relaxes muscles controls blood pressure , corrects the posture and detoxifies the body and it also helps us to get a good night sleep.

Incorporating these lifestyle changes and combining them with modern technology will definitely in reversing many lifestyle diseases and recovering faster post covid.

“  True life is lived when tiny changes occur “- Leo Tolstoy

Leena Rrahul Dakhane